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Jemineye: Restless hearts

22/07/08 || Lord K Philipson

What is it with bands intentionally spelling names wrong? Staind, Korn, Kandlemass, Zlayer, Fourbidden, Anthraks etc etc… It looks like shit, you know. Quite possibly even worse is when bands decide to make a completely new spelling of a word that already exists. Like Construcdead, Infestdead, Molestdead, Giveheadead, Mikepoggionemeathead, etc. And here comes Gemini. Sorry, Jemineye.

“On July 2004 a couple of infected minds, whose love for thrash metal was too strong to remain unfold, decided to start playing in a Megadeth’s cover band called Mechanix”.

You know we can’t possibly be off for a great start with a bio introduction like that. If you start a Megadeth cover band you definitely have too much fucken time on yer hands. To draw inspiration from a redheaded, christian, delusional fucktwat is not the way to go. Dave Mustaine is the fucken scum of the earth and Megadeth is a sorry-ass piece of audial pain. So, if you have Dave Mustaine as an inspiration, a couple of dyslectic Italians, a drum machine and a weak-as-fuck “production”, you end up with Jemineye. The Megadeth influences are everywhere and the fucko doing vocals even (kind of) resembles Idiot Dave here and there. Congrats, I guess.

HOORAY!

The material is weak; there is no punch in it, no crunch in the guitars and if I could hear the bass (not even sure there is one since no one is credited for it) I would probably comment badly on that as well. The drum machine sounds like cock’n‘balls too, like you’d expect otherwise since the former ingredients have been so spot on. Jemineye aren’t doing much right on this 5 track piece, disgustingly entitled “Restless hearts” (but for fuck’s sake again, guys, is that the best title you could think of?). It doesn’t help that they try to throw in some very special, moody solo sections (reminiscent of early Metallica. At least that’s what they are hoping for. FAIL!), with the drum machine on top of it it sounds like a fucken Toys’R‘Us product anyways. And let’s forget about the spontaneous keyboards that enter the picture every now and then, just making shit sound even more misplaced.

I have absolutely no idea what these Italian mongoloids want to achieve with this recording. It sounds half-assed at best. It’s not like anyone will sign a two-piece semi-thrash band with a bunch of shit songs. Jemineye (I hate this moniker so much I think I just vomited) is nothing you should give a rat’s cock about. Let’s hope Dave Mustaine never hears this, he’d prolly sue you for tainting the Megadeth legacy. Oh, I forgot, he’s doing that real fucken well by himself. Oh, and I also forgot that Megadeth don’t really have a good reputation do destroy in the first place.

Fuck you, Dave. And fuck you, Jemineye.

By the way, Firefox’s spellcheck gives me these suggestions for a new moniker when I highlight their name: Jessamine, Eminence and Jemimah. All of them are better than the fucken one these guys currently use.

Let me round this off with the following, from the “thank you” list in the booklet where Valentino (vocals) send his love to: “All people who believed in my skills during these years.”

Man, you are surrounded by deaf, dumb and blind people.

Information
Released: 2008
Website: Jemineye MySpace
Band
Valentino Valenti: vocals
Matteo Marano: guitars, arrangements, programming

Tracklist
01. My direction
02. Bite your pain
03. Lust for pain
04. Impossible reality
05. A way for tomorrow

Demo reviews